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THE CYNICAL CRITIC

THE CYNICAL CRITIC

MOVIE REVIEWS FOR NON-SHEEPLE WHO OFTEN EXPERIENCE NETFLIX OPTION PARALYSIS

  • THE ANSWER TO ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS (NAMELY “WHAT DO I WATCH NOW”)
  • LEARN TO BE A FILM DOUCHE
  • LIST OF TERMS (THAT REDUCE THE WORLD TO A REPETITIVE, PESSIMISTIC THOUGHT PATTERN)
  • THE INTERNET PORTRAYAL OF ME
  • REVIEW ARCHIVES
  • More

    LIST OF TERMS (THAT REDUCE THE WORLD TO A REPETITIVE, PESSIMISTIC THOUGHT PATTERN)

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    Netflix Option Paralysis

    /nɛtflɪks ˈɑpʃən pəˈræləsəs/

    Proper Noun

    1. An inundation of literally hundreds of thousands of options of television programs and films to watch, which leads to the inability to make a selection that will fill the hours of your meaningless life. Option paralysis can occur on sites such as Netlix, Hulu, Amazon, and even HBO.

    Related Terms: Exponentially Declining Attention Span Theory, Sheeple, Screen Zombie, Cogs In The Machine

    MOVIE SUGGESTION DU JOUR

    The Foot Fist Way

    Piss your pants laughing with this low budget Sundance Official Selection. Hailed by many as the masterpiece of Danny McBride and Jody Hill, The Foot Fist Way chronicles the life of Fred Simmons, an overweight, middle-aged, fourth degree black belt, Tae Kwon Do instructor. Set in Concord, North Carolina, this film satirizes the generic American Southerner with precision and hilarity.

    • Where to watch: Included with Prime, $3 on the Tube, and $3 on Vudu and Google Play (for whoever the hell uses those)
    • An easy breezy hour and a half time commitment
    • Snacks: a Kimchi Knuckle Sandwich
    • Watch with: your Sensei, your pre-pubescent mentee, and/or your ho-bag significant other
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